The Ballad of Sherry Heitler, So Far

[Lunamann]

So, this tale starts, as many tales here do, with the reciept of a rather interesting email. Our hero, one Sean [SANS], modeled after a laid-back, easygoing skeleton from a very wonderful and worthwhile videogame that you all need to experience if you haven't yet, was sitting back in his couch, scrolling through his emails, when he runs across this email from one [email protected]...

ATTENTION: SEAN [SKELETON]
The whole process of releasing your compensation fund of £2,750,000.00 has been reviewed by the Board and you have been given a green light to have the fund delivered to your custody without any difficulty (I'll be the judge on how difficult it is~, also note that this amount is in pounds)
The court has taken care of the legal fees which also includes logistics and other preliminary expenses. .
It has been agreed that a Debit ATM CARD shall be issued in your name .
The debit ATM CARD has a daily withdrawal of $3,000.00 United states dollars with a secured secret pin code. (Not in pounds)
Kindly find the attached ATM CARD for your confirmation and authentication.
You are only required to provide a Stamp duty of $200 for the smooth delivery of the Parcel Into your residence without any difficulty. (Not in pounds)
Stamp duty is a tax that is levied on single documents.
A physical revenue stamp had to be attached to or impressed upon the document to show that stamp duty had been paid before the document was legally effective (What was that about how the court's taken care of legal fees?)
We are thankful to the authority for taking the responsibility and burden of the payment off your shoulder in order to complete this project successfully.
We enjoin you to accept the payment for us to provide the payment instruction needed to complete this project because this opportunity thrust at you should be utilized successfully for the benefit of mankind.
Congratulations in advance and we are convinced that your victory will be celebrated within 24 hours of your payment confirmation.
We are waiting for your response to act accordingly.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Best Regards,
HON SHERRY HEITLER
Chief Court Administrator
NEW YORK STATE SUPREME COURT (Why is the first amount in pounds when this is an American court??)

Our hero of course, had to respond to the lad that had just come knocking on his own door--

thank you so much! how are you and your children tonight?
can't the fee be deducted from the card itself? it seems reasonable enough to me.

Dear Sean,,
Thanks for your response and I appreciate your wisdom.
The fee cannot be deducted from the card because the fund is bonded and not deductible from the source.
When you make the payment, we will be delighted to deliver the fund into your custody.
Thanks for your cooperation,
Regards,
Hon Sherry

At this point I got a bit slappy with 'em, 'cause I felt like this would be a rather opportune time for a reasonable individual to get frustrated-

then why didn't you deduct the fee BEFORE you bonded it to the card!? this seems like absolutely awful planning and customer service on your part. what if I didn't have the mooney, huh?! would you just go, "whoops, can't give you the card, then!"

gimme a bank acount to transfer the fee to, please.

I added the last bit because I was a little thirsty for more bacon, of course, but they flat-out refused!

Sir,
I received your email and I appreciate your response.
It is unfortunate the court does not provide any bank account for a payment that is less than $1,000.
Please transfer the fee to the designated PayPal address below:
whoops

Kindly ensure that your payment type is Family And Friends to ensure a quick release of the money to your receiver.
Please write FAMILY AND FRIENDS as your payment type or reference to ensure immediate release of the money without any delay.
I await your PayPal payment slip to proceed.
Thanks for your understanding.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

I decided to play dumb, although I did submit the email address they gave to my mentor just in case bringing that down would be possible-

Ma'am, thank you so very kindly for your email.

i have never used paypal before. is it like western union or money gram? because if so, i don't know of any paypal locations near me.

am i missing something?

Sherry seemed to be allergic to the idea of teaching the mugu how to use PayPal, and instead pivoted:

Dear Sean [SKELETON],
We appreciate your response, PayPal is an online payment application,
Yu will have to download it before you can use it.
Our officers cannot be going to the bank for western union or money gram,
Hence our exchange department accept certain gift cards for payment.
You can buy a Vanilla Visa Gift Card, Amazon Gift Card Or Apple Gift card of $200 for your payment.
You can get this card from Walmart, Safeway , Walgreens or any other store around you.
Our exchange department will exchange the card for your payment immediately we confirm it.
Please let me know your acceptance to buy your preferred card so I can give you the sending details.
Thanks for your cooperation to complete this project successfully without any delay.
I await your response to act accordingly.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

(emphasis the lad's)

I expressed incredulousness, getting a little more slappy:

...gift cards?? you want me to buy you a gift card???
talk about unprofessional, first you forget to pull the fee from my fund before you load it onto the card, then you want me to buy you a gift card to pay for the fee...

you know what, fine, i'm heading to walgreen's tomorrow to pick up meds for my kids anyways, might as well see about this gift card thing. what sort of card am i looking for, then? what does it look like?

Dear Sean,
You shouldn't be surprised about the gift card because our exchange department accepts it for your payment which is fast, reliable and secure.
Kindy find the sample of the Vanilla Visa gift card that you are expected to buy.
Please pay the cashier in the store with cash of $200 and he/she will activate the card for you.
Kindly send both the front and the back of the card as attached here for your confirmation.
I will be waiting for the card confirmation tomorrow to complete the process of your fund delivery.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

Indeed, attached was a picture of a Vanilla Visa gift card, front and back, presumably from a previous victim. Seeing this, I wait a bit, at which point Sherry adds,

Dear Sean [SKELETON],
Sequel to my earlier email,
I will advise you that you can also buy Amazon Gift card or Apple Gift card at Walgreens if you can't find the Vanilla visa gift card.
But ensure you get the Vanilla visa gift card , if you cannot get it which is unlikely ,you can then buy the Amazon or the Apple gift card.
When you get the card, please activate it from the store and make sure you pay with cash to the cashier.
Gently remove the foil on the card (AMAZON or APPLE) there is a code underneath the foil,
Take a picture of the card revealing the code, then send tt with the receipt to me on this email address.
I will forward it for your payment in seconds.
For the Vanila visa gift card, just remove the card from the bag , the code is already on the card , you don't need to scratch,
Just take the front and the back picture of the card (like the sample I sent to you) and send it with the receipt.
After which we can proceed to deliver the ATM CARD as promised without delay.
Thanks for your understanding.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

I reply, finally, with

I still find it really odd, but here you go, the front and back of the card...

What I sent them were two... fake images, from a generator that simply generates a .jpg image with no useful data that can't be opened at all. Sherry seemed pleased at first, except for the fact that I didn't send the receipt-

Dear Sean,
Kindly send the receipt of the card as instructed,
I will be waiting for your response.
Thanks,
Sherry

But then she realized that something was wrong, about 20 minutes later.

Dear Sean,
Kindly resend the card and the receipt to me,
I couldn't download it,
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Thanks,
Sherry

20 minutes after that, Sherry gets nervous, and responds with this:

Dear Sean,
I appreciate your efforts towards this project and I want t assure you that the fund delivery
will be swift and smooth without any difficulty.
Kindly cooperate with us to do the needful and deliver your fund successfully
We shall appreciate it if you can resend the card and the receipt through a pdf format so that we can be able to open the file.
Sorry for the inconvenience .
Regards,
Hon Sherry

Sean shrugs... and sends a fake PDF-format file.

pdf format? uhh, sure? here's all three pics, nestled into one pdf-format file for your convenience. hope it helps!

Sherry uhh... Sherry twigs...

Dear Sean,
There was no card bought and sent to us,
unfortunately, this will affect the confidence we have to deliver this fund to you.
Both the jpg and pdf document you sent was empty with nothing to preview
We trust you but it seems you are not serious with us.
Stay safe but posterity will judge that you willingly threw away this opportunity when it was thrust on you.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

...and I see the golden opportunity to give the slappiest slap I've ever slapped a lad. Kindly imagine the following text at like 3 times the normal font size, with a black background and red text, all in comic sans because I've been sporadically using comic sans as the font of choice for Sean's emails (it's not consistent because I keep forgetting...)

What in the actual fuck are you talking about?! I'm deadly serious about this, you ass!!!
I spent $200 on you and this is the thanks I get!?
If you can't accept email attachments, that's on YOUR end, every single file I've sent opens FINE on my computer!
What kind of half-baked incompetent-ass operation are you running?! Zero foresight to just take the fee out of the fund before putting it on the card, can't accept bank transfers, can't accept Western Union or Moneygram, has me buy a fucking GIFT CARD and then when I DO buy the bank card and send it, you call me a fucking JOKER because YOUR computers are fucked up and can't open the attachment?!

Get me an alternate means of paying you guys or I'm flying over there to New York myself to pick up the card and give you a piece of my mind personally. Then you won't NEED no $200 postage fee.

To my surprise, this UNtwigs the lad. We're back in the saddle~!

Dear Sean,
You should understand the situation better and it is not about shouting,I opened the Jpg and the pdf format without any content to view, we have received several documents from people that we opened on our computer with a single touch, please we need to be real on this project in order to build trust and confidence.
We don’t accept western union or money gram because no official of the court will be running to the bank on such errand.
This made it imperative to set up an exchange department that converts those cards for your payment in seconds when duly received by us.
It is fast, reliable, safe and secured.
Please you can make the payment through our designated PayPal address below if you find it difficult to send an appropriate file:
PayPal address: [email protected]
Kindly ensure that you write FAMILY AND FRIENDS as your payment type or reference.
This is to ensure that the money is released to the receiver immediately without unnecessary delay.
Our mandate is to help you deliver your fund and we are delighted to do that with your cooperation.
I await your response to act accordingly.
Thanks for your understanding.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

I still don't understand why you can't send any officials of the court to Western Union or MoneyGram. I have half a mind to chew out your commanding officer. Actually, is there any chance you could send me their e-mail address?

Hold on while I figure out how PayPal even frickin' works. Never used it before.

Sir.
Your interest is uppermost in our mind hence we are working to ensure that your satisfaction is our priority.
You can send the card if you really want to, it is fast and safe, I feel you should have trust in us to do the needful and ensure that your fund is completed.
You can contact Miss Elizabeth , the trust officer on this email address: [email protected]

Regarding the PayPal, you will have to download the app and set it up for usage.
I will advise you to buy the vanilla visa gift card and send it across for the exchange department to make your payment.
When we confirm your payment, the delivery company will deliver to your residence within 24 hours.
That is the process and it is achievable.
Thanks for your response,
Regards,,
Hon Sherry

When I reply, I'd had a bad day at work, so I decide to slap the lad again--

...Do you really want me to go down to the post office and find out EXACTLY how incompetent you are? I guarantee you, the fee they'd probably ask for for how much it costs to ship a single tiny credit card is FAR lower than you're asking for.

I'm going to contact Ms. Eliza and give her a piece of my mind about you and how awful you are.

And I contact Ms. Eliza, who, let's not kid ourselves here, is either Sherry or her oga:

I've had it up to here with Ms. Sherry Heitler, the administrator in charge of my compensation fund.

Okay, so. My fund is around $2,750,000, right? She takes that money, and then loads ALL of it onto a debit ATM card that nobody can access, and THEN finds out that whoops, you need $200 in order to ship it. What she SHOULD have done is set aside $200 for the shipping BEFORE loading it onto the card, and then load $2,749,800 onto the card and ship THAT. But no, now I'm on the hook for $200 in order to pay for MY compensation fund, which should've been FAR more than enough to cover it!

On top of that, there's the issue of payment! She won't give me a bank account to pay her at, like any sensible business or court would have, nor would she give me a Moneygram or Western Union address, which at the very least are payment methods I can respect. No, she wants me to use this service called "Pay Pal" that I've never heard of, or buy a fucking GIFT CARD and send it to her- and when I send it to her, she yells at me because SHE can't open the images I'm sending!

I've had it up to here. I'm not working with Ms. Sherry anymore. Can you please take over for her- or at the very least, hook me up with someone who can?

Lizzy responds:

Dear Mr Sean [SKELETON],
I received your email and I appreciate all your concerns.
Let me first tell you that as an institution, Hon Sherry will not do anything that can jeopardize you or her relationship with you.
The essence of this whole project is to ensure that your fund is delivered and it must be in compliance with our policy and international acceptable standard.
As a trust officer, my function is to ensure that there is trust in the relationship between you and this institution in order to develop business relationship that will resolve any issue between you and any of our officers.
I am deeply sorry if Hon Sherry has wronged you , but the issue of the payment must be explained that the court does not give bank accounts to payment below $1,000, we cannot inflate your payment in order to give you bank account, no sir, we are always considerate and truthful, hence the exchange department of the bank accept Vanilla visa gift card as a means of payment for little fees.
What is important is for your payment to be confirmed and for your fund to be delivered successfully and this should not be an issue of acrimony, we need to work together in unity and cooperation for your fund to be delivered successfully into your custody.
Please if you have the card, Kindly send it as instructed and you will never be disappointed.
I took the pain to reply you because of the urgency in your situation, today is Sunday and I hope you will praise God for the victory that is coming your way.
Thanks so much for your understanding and remain safe.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs Elizabeth C

Sherry also responds:

Dear Sean,
Please stop mixing things up, the $200 requested is not for shipping, Kindly get your fact correctly and stop all this uncultured attitude.
You are paying for stamp duty which is to be processed by our legal department.
It is now very clear that you have been deceiving yourself by sending empty documents to us in form of payment through pdf and jpg.
Sir, we don’t want to offend you, if you feel you are too big to follow our instructions to get this fund delivered, I will advise you to willingly write a forfeiture letter that you are no longer interested, this will enable us to cede your slot to another person who will gladly complete the project.
We are tired of your inconsistency and lies.
Sherry

I respond to Sherry first:

Oh no, I'm not writing no damn forfeiture letter because of your incompetence. I'm already $200 in the damn hole.

Look, here's the back and front of this damn card again. Maybe it'll fucking work this time- if not, I might actually book a flight to New York to get the damn card personally.

I attach Sherry's own cards, from way back, except run through an image-corruption website to create an image where you can just barely make out that it's a Visa Vanilla card and nothing else at all.
To Lizzy, I then write,

All right. Here's the card. Thank you so, so much.

I attach the cards again, except run through the corruptor again to produce images that are roughly the same as the ones Sherry got, but still different. Sherry gets panicky again and sends THREE posts to me:

Dear Mr Sean,
I received your email and the attachment.
I have sent a sample how the card should be sent together with the receipt for your confirmation.
The attachment was sent through Mrs Elizabeth, our trust officer.
Please send the card and allow the code to be well bold and clear, that is the only way that the exchange department can use the card for your payment.
Also send the receipt you received when you buy the card because it will be filed in your record.
I have attached how the card should be sent to us through Mrs Elizabeth because the way you sent the card was blurred and no one can read out the code.
Kindly find the attachment to do the needful.
I will be waiting for your clear and bold card for your payment.
I can assure you if this is done, your delivery officer can proceed to deliver your fund to your custody successfully.
Thanks for your cooperation and I will be waiting for your response to celebrate your victory.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

Dear Sean,
I have earier sent a mail and sample of how the vanilla card should be sent through our trust officer to be forwarded to you.
Kindly find the attached card sent by you compared to the samples forwarded to you.
Please resend it exactly as instructed with the receipt.
This will enable us to deliver the fund tomorrow unfailingly.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

(To this one, she sent the images I sent her that got corrupted)

Dear Mr Sean,
It is now apparent that you have been taking us for granted all this while.
You sent a blurred card to us yesterday and we instructed you to resend the card appropriately,
To my surprise you have it difficult to do that since yesterday.
If you have duly spent $200 on a card to get a job done for you, why would it be difficult to make correction when required?
One thing is sure, it is either you don't know what you want or you like deceiving yourself.
We are serious minded people and this institution lay emphasis on trust and probity.
The ball is in your court to determine the right path to your success.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

I've send the following email to Sherry, because it sounds like she needs a good slap:

i've been dealing with a family emergency you FUCKING ASSHOLE.
My kid is currently in the hospital, and I come home to THIS!?
It's not my fucking fault that YOUR computers corrupted the images. I don't even know how the fuck that happened. But it does tell me one thing: I can't send you ANY images at all. Not the cards, not the damn reciept, not anything, because either Gmail or Hotmail or your computers or something is corrupting every single fucking image I send to you.

I give up. I'm going to send this fucking card by mail. Could you please give me an address to mail it to?

Meanwhile, Lizzy sent me this:

Dear Mr Sean,
How am going to believe you Sir,
Since yesterday you find it difficult to resend the card in a proper way with the receipt,
Maybe you are the one that is awful here and not Sherry
We need our commitment to do what is right for you to have the right result.
I await the real card today to proceed with the fund delivery.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

I sent the following to Lizzy:

...Okay, so, it's clear that something is going on here. Every single image I've ever sent you guys has worked on my machine.

...I think one of you mentioned the idea of my just mailing the card to you at some point. Would that work? Because I just... can't, anymore. I give up with the idea of sending you an image via email attachment.

And that's the end of the tale for now.

[sparky905]

It might be the end of the tale for now, as you wrote, but hopefully not the end of the tale forever. Maybe the lad needs the money couriered to him by a 5 Star shipping company?

[Lunamann]

I have already reached out to Bertje for access- it's admittedly why I brought up the idea of sending the money by mail

[Lunamann]

Well, fuck. Just got this from Sherry.

[SKELETON],
Keep on deceiving yourself,
We have nothing to lose because we are not doing this for any pecuniary gain.
You can as well forget the whole process ,
Your gutter language depicted how unreasonable you are.
We congratulate you for giving up because it will allow us to successfully cede your slot to a reasonable beneficiary.
We received countless documents from people all over the world without complaints of any system corrupt, why is it always you?
If you cannot be faithful in a little definitely you will flop when given you a bigger responsibility.
Sorry for the condition of your kid, I wish him quick recovery.
As for you, good riddance to bad rubbish.
Sherry

Well, if Sherry and Lizzy really are the same person, the gig's up. If not, I guess it depends on how much Lizzy and Sherry communicate with each other?

Sherry's email address is [email protected] if anyone else wants a crack at this lad

[bobdemol]

^^ There's some nice sigi material in his last mail though

[Lunamann]

I mean the problem is I already have really nice sig material from Sherry?? I don't want to fill my entire sig up with quotes from just one lad, even if their character's name is Sherry Heitler.

Either way, Sherry and Lizzy are indeed fairly close, if not the same person:

You are not truthful to yourself,
Please check yourself thoroughly.
Thanks

So yeah, gig's up. Oh well.

[bobdemol]

^^ Nothing wrong by replacing a "better" sigline from a lad

[Lunamann]

Logged back into my baiting email for the first time in about a month (took a bit of a break from scambaiting, but am back~!)
And I get this, from who else but Sherry Heitler.

DEAR MR SEAN [BONEZONE],
THE CHRISTMAS SEASON IS AROUND THE CORNER AND WE HAVE TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO IN OREDR TO HAVE YOUR FUND IN YOUR HANDS.
ARE YOU STILL NOT PREPARED FOR THIS GREAT DELIVERY?
I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE TO DO JUSTICE AND ENSURE THAT YOU CELEBRATE THIS SEASON IN AFFLUNCE.
THANKS, WHILE WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE TO COMPLETE THIS PROJECT SUCCESSFULLY.
REGARDS,
HON SHERRY

For context this is the exact same lad that I thought I'd thoroughly exhausted the patience of, via the ol' "whoops, my computer can't send email attachments that aren't garbled messes" modality. The one that I have in my signature. I thought we'd said our goodbyes, and now she's back at my doorstep asking for more!

...So of course...

I'm surprised to find this email. I thought you'd written me off as a lost cause.

Well, if you ARE willing to do business, what's the first step again? I've forgotten, and I don't have access to our previous emails.

If they really want me back they're gonna have to work a little for it~

[Lunamann]

Dear Mr Sean [Undertale],
Compliment of the season to you and I hope your family is doing great.
We never wrote you off, our grouse is that you know what to do but failed to do it because of your own personal reasons.
We work assiduously to ensure that you have what rightly belongs to you but your inability to follow our instructions becomes the clog in the wheel of the progress made.
What you need to do remains unchanged.
We need the $200 for the certification purposes to complete the fund delivery.
When we confirm the payment, the fund delivery will be perfected.
Thanks for your understanding,
Regards,
Sherry

All right, well, if you need $200, I can easily provide. Get me an address to mail to, and I'll mail you a check.

Easy as pie, none of the attachment nonsense from before.

Attempting to pivot her to a certain modality involving a certain shipping company, let's see if she takes the bait

[Lunamann]

She hasn't. Jeez, this lad is so *stubborn.*

Dear Sir,
You should understand that the process of collecting payment is well specified which I cannot single handedly altered.
This is the fact that I really want you to note, hence you will now understand why it is necessary for you to follow my instruction.
This payment can be made to our PayPal address below:
[some email address]
Payment type or reference is FAAMILY AND FRIENDS.
This is to ensure there is no delay to receive the money.
I will be waiting for your PayPal confirmation slip for us to proceed on this project.
Regards,
Hon Sherry

I decided to play dumb.

That's a really short address. Are you sure the post office will be able to get your letter to you if that's all I put on it?

[bobdemol]

^^ Great reply