200th Post - Sir Cortez

[Myon359]

I came here to start publish a new bait and realised that this will be my 200th post. I guess that's sort of a landmark or something? Forgive me if I'm mistake and I'm just celebrating being a post ashawo

Okey-dokey. A few days back I received an email from a "Ukrainian" who doesn't even have a Ukrainian name. Let's see how things roll:

Hello,Good day,

My name is Sir.Cortez from Ukraine.I have tried to reach you but find it difficult due to internet scacity here in this town.

I am contacting you because I have some funds I plan to invest in your country because I want to relocate my Late Father business due to ongoing war in my country and visit your country to set up new investment business you may advice profitable in your area.

I also have 599kg of 24carat gold i want to ship to your country and establsh gold jewerly manufacturing company.

I will offer you good monetery rewards for your help,please for fast discussion,you can add me on whats up and lets talk,this my whatsapp number below

(I DONT LIKE WHATSAPP MUGU!)

Thanking you as i wait to hear from you soon so i can tell you
more details.
God bless you for your care.

Regards,
Sir.Cortez

Okay. So we have a Ukrainian man with a Spanish name.This is ridiculous, so I'll just bait him and post to see where things lead. Introducing my default client, Alex:

Dear Sir.Cortez:

I got your mail. Apologies for my late reply because it went straight to my spam folder. Please reply, I want to help. Thanks.

Alex

I am happy for your response and happy that you are willing to help me invest over there.

I want you to know that i am in desperate need to travel out from this war zone and visit your country New York for investment market research and other businesses, to tell you more, my late father and only sisters were shot by Russians and our house looted, my late father is a gold merchant ,i was able to go to my Late Father grocery shop to recover 8.2million USD paid to my father for gold purchase because my father is kept the funds in safe box before the war suddenly started, these funds inside the safe box is with me in the basement and 599Kgs of gold .

I am always afraid and traumatized for what is going on here and not to lose these funds or gold precious metals as Russia invades this city to kill and loot.

Why I contacted you is that i want to transfer these funds to you for investment in your country or any other place you may advise, what is your percentage for helping me to keep the money and gold safe until i arrives your country to search where we can invest, i also think of real estate or gold jewelry manufacturing company, importation of goods and export companies, industrialization, or mechanized farming, my late mother was a wheat farmer and she was very successful,

where do you think we can invest the funds for high profit in your country, I also ask can we start agriculture business in your country?

can we get lands from local indigenous people?

Waiting for your response.

Regards,
Cortez

Okay. So note the red lines. Cortez just asked if he (a Spaniard) can get land from the Indians. Interestingly enough, I happen to be a RL Indian, so we'll flow with this. When a lad provides you and open door for humor, it's usually best to go with it, so let's do so.

Good morning Sir Cortez!

Sorry for not responding, I'm terrible when it comes to checking email.

Dang, that sounds terrible about your family. I really wish to assist you, please, what exactly do you need my assistance with, I'm willing to provide it but I want to be sure of what I'm going in for as well.

And to answer your questions.

I also ask can we start agriculture business in your country? - Well of course, there's lots of fertile soil to go around

can we get lands from local indigenous people? - Well, the Cheyennes and Arapahoes in the north are selling.

The southwest Apaches are a little rough, but they have more money and better soil.

I can put you in touch with the chiefs of these groups if you like. They can assist you as well as myself.

Looking forward to your next mail.

Alex

I'm going to guess that a guy living in *wherever* doesn't know much about the natives out here.

BTW, I hope I'm within my rights to make a joke out of this:

[Myon359]

Okay. Still having fun with Cortez

I am happy that you can help me invest into farming,i think i need to come over immediately so we can meet the local chiefs over there to talk with them and know how we can buy or lease,i prefer leasing the land for period of 5-10 years because of crop rotation,hope you understands what i mean?

But before i come over,i need to transfer out these funds and ship the gold as well,I will be going to meet transfer agency that help fellow ukrainian ship out their valuables and transfer out funds from ukraine to foreign countries they are fleeing to take refuge.I will go to meet the transfer agency and i will get back to you when i returns back.Cortez

Oh of course I understand what you mean. I'm not a farmer but I get what you're saying about crop rotation and how too much planting can wear out the soil.

It may be a good idea to try and discuss the land deals with the chiefs right now. I can give you the Cheyenne chief's email address. I'm sure he can help you and arrange things better than I can.

Alex

I really can't believe this is happening as it happens. His stupidity is so storybook quality!

I am happy for you to understand that we should not waste money to buy farm land but to lease because of crop rotation due to climate change's.
It is very important that we both discuss the land deals before you meet with your people,the chiefs will need what from us,to employ their youths?we can import tractors and new mechanized farming utilities to make the farming communities great and same time generate good annual income,is the community lands fertilized,is the soil of the chief community land good for wheat farming? Sir.Cortez.

Dec 31st:

Oh certainly it is. They grow a lot of wheat and corn (they call it maize here). Perhaps it is best you talk to the chief yourself. His name is Levi Walking Bear of the Cheyenne:

[email protected]

You seem to be very interested in discussing things with the indigenous peoples over here. Walking Bear is very wealthy and I'm sure he'll assist you and answer all your questions better than I can. Maybe the Ukrainians and the Natives will join hands in alliance. It's worth a thought.

Alex

Here I thought I'd gotten too proud and gone too far with the joke. But no. Cortez:

have you briefed the chief about my proposal,if i contact him, i tell him i am from you?please advice to know how i can approach him.I wait your urgent response.

Here I almost felt like writing to the lad "Chief?! Chief my foot! You can't be this stupid!!" But - I am baiting.

Yes, I have talked to Levi Walking Bear today. Here's an example of how you should write to him:

{insert stupid letter here}

That will make a good introductory letter. It is in the formal language that the Cheyenne people understand and will impress him. Any other questions, just ask me. Happy New Year!!!and the best of luck!

Alex

Sure enough, this came int my chief mailbox. The lad even put me in CC. How stupid can he get?!?!

Dear Chief Levi Walking Bear:

Greetings my brother. May your life be many moons.
I am sending this signal to you upon the request of my
friend, the white man named Alex. Please, I wish to make
peace with you and discuss land deals. I am from Ukraine
and wish to make a treaty with you.

Please, reply via email, I am unable to receive smoke signals at this time.

Sir.Cortez of Ukraine

Levi Walking Bear replied in Hollywood Indian Talk:

Pedro: Me Levi Walking Bear, Chief of the Cheyanne people. The whiteman Alex has told about you and trouble. Him good man. You want to buy land from Indian? Is best we make heap talk before you buy. You see map, get money, then come to America and get land.
You and family prosper for many moons

Jan 1st:

Cortez started 2023 off with this banger of a letter:

Dear Chief,

Good morning sir,i am happy for your willingness to help me get land for farming,I will be coming soon, preferably this week or next so that we three can sit down to discuss prices for fertile lands.

May GOD bless you for your help. I wish you a happy new year and prosperous days ahead.

Regards,
Pedro.

:lo[error - max emoji amount per post exceeded]

He then wrote Alex. He has been forwarding everything to Alex:

I went to the transfer agency and discussed with him ,he agreed to offer and use their humanitarian pass slot to do cash post and gold shipment but the man explained to me that they do not have diplomatic slot ties with your country and they cannot ship the gold directly without backup documents to proof origin of gold,

they said if they ship the gold without proper documents,the gold will be seized at port of entry,they advised they have company at Ghana that deals in gold and they can use their shipment document to move the gold but the gold must first be shipped to Ghana,

the man told me that Ghana is gold export company and it is easy to get the legal coverage origination documents to ship the gold which i agreed,the man also told me that funds is huge amount but they will help us post the funds with 3 % service charges which i agreed,

the man said their chartered banker will help us to set offshore bank account for further transfer.

I am waiting for the two armed men the man said that will escort me to my basement to carry the funds and gold,the toyato hilux car he said we shall use parks in front of here,i will update you on any latest development.Cortez

Good afternoon. I just got back from church. I hope all is well with you and your family? Happy New Years by the way!

Okay, that's good. He is saying that if you feel the need to come over he'll send you money for your plane ticket. That sure is nice of him!

I got your letter about the gold, but I really don't understand it much. It sounds like someone is trying to set you up. Be careful of those armed men, carry some sort of defense. Eagerly expecting your mail.

Alex

We'll see what happens later in the week. Hopefully Cortez is alive and wasn't killed by these "two armed men" from Ghana Gold Inc. We'll see. He believes in all this rubbish as far as I know.

Any suggestions on what to do to this lad? He is the most gullible thing and I'm at a loss for ideas.

[Thunderfire]

When they tell me to use whatsapp I just make them tell me instructions to get it.
Never did manage to buy whatsapp, I looked around my area and there just isnt a Google Play store near me.