Among the replies I got, was this:Rev. David Crockett wrote:I am very pleased to find your email in my inbox. I would like you to know that I am the pastor of a church and I am very interested in your proposition. My church has many means by which we can distribute funds. You and your family seem like a worthy cause, God Bless You!
Now, as for possible fees that may come along with the transaction, my church can cover them. However, we can only cover a small amount, up to $93,500 USD. Our church gives annually about 10.3 million in charitable givings every year. We have a few churches around the country and we are definitely looking for new ways to make money. As it is getting to be the end of the year over there, it is also getting to be the end of the year in my neck of the woods. We have left in our donations account the $93,500 that I mentioned earlier. Off of the top of my head, I cannot remember exactly when our fiscal year ends, but it is definitely soon. Now, your case is definitely a bit different than most cases that we work with, since we would be getting some money in return. We will have to handle this a little differently.
I will need a bit more detail about how you would like to proceed with this transaction. Our standard procedures will be discussed when I hear more.
Looking forward to hearing from you
Rev. Crockett
Rev. Crockett promptly replied:Joseph Diara wrote:Hello Rev Crockett
Thanks for your email which indicated your interest. You can help in this transaction by working with me and following my instruction till the end and we shall meet ourselves in your country as soon as you confirm the receipt of the fund.
Therefore, as stated in my business transaction, you are going to be the next of kin to the late client and all relevant documents shall be in your name or company's name and address and same shall be forwarded to you for your perusal and record purposes and the payment shall be from the federal government of Nigeria payment bank.
What i need from you to commence this transaction legally is your full name or company's name and address and your direct phone lines. Once i receive it from you, i shall use them to apply and obtain all legal documents backing you as the next of kin to the late client and when completed copies shall be sent to you and the other copies shall be sent to the payment bank who shall contact you for the legal release of the fund to you.
I am looking forward to working with you and meet you face to face in your country after the release of the fund to you. Please, note there that no risk is involved in this transaction and all the payment modalities shall go through the legal Channel and you are required to keep everything strictly to yourself..
Waiting to hear from you asap today.
My Regards,
Mr Joseph Diara
That caused him to begin going off-script:Rev. David Crockett wrote:I am glad to hear back from you. You are right, this is a divine appointment. God will truly bless our transaction. As I stated before, in order to receive your $93,500, you must become a member of our organization. Do you wish to become a member? If you have any questions about our faith, you are welcome to ask or to refer to our website for any information you might need. Some of the site is not functioning correctly because of the recent hurricanes, and due to this it is going through maintenance.
However, your account has been set up with the $93,500 for when you become a member of Hollow Church of Holy Smoke. We will go through with the transaction as soon as your induction is over. Our particular location is in Orlando, FL though we have about 300 churches across the nation. We are still recovering from recent hurricane damage down here, so please pray for us. Email me soon.
If you want to become a member and be entitled to the donation for your orphanage, kindly reply back, and I will forward the official application form to you, and instruct you about the requirements.
God bless your soul
Sincerely,
Rev. Crockett
The good reverend explained it to him:Joseph Diara wrote:Hello Rev Crockett,
Thanks for the mail you sent and is well understood. How do you intend to induct me as a member of your church without my presence? Secondly how do you intend to set up an account in my name with out proper identification of myself? I am a christian and since your church is also of God there is no problem becoming a member worshiping in truth and spirit and be faithful.
On the transaction we need to act fast and not to waste much time because of the nature so if you have read my mails carefully you need to work with me while your arrangement on other things will take you some time to complete.
Therefore, as i said in my mail yesterday i need your full name and address and your current phone number that is working and on receipt of them i will use it to apply, process and obtain all the legal papers that will cover you as the Next of Kin of the fund and your identification must be included. Please, must be kept very confidential because i am still in active service in government. My direct phone line is 234-XXX-XX-XXXX.
Waiting to hear from you asap today.
Regards,
Joseph Diara
He responded positively:Rev. David Crockett wrote:Dear Mr. Diara,
Thank you for your kind letter.
First of all, let me correct a misunderstandig of yours. We give away donations, we don't receive them. This is a very important distinction, not only in terms of ethics, but also in terms of legality, According to local legislation, it is not allowed, unless we pay full taxes, and the paperwork alone is staggering. So no, we are not interested in any donation from you.
As for your questions, the induction will take place after you filling an application form, and performing a small ritual. It is quite simple and easy, but I will give you the instructions when I have received the application form and it has been approved by the church board - the latter is merely a formality. We have succesfully inducted people of faith around the globe this way since 2003. In the age of the internet, even a church like ours has to adapt and take a step into the modern world.
You are absolutely correct, we shouldn't waste time, so I have attached the application form for your convenience, and I will follow up with a phone call this afternoon after mass, in case you might have questions.
Halleluja!
Sincerely,Rev. David Crockett
That made the good reverend quote happy.Joseph Diara wrote:Hello Rev Crockett,
I have received your mail and i will print out the form and fill it correctly as you specified and return it by email attachment from a business center before the end of this week. that transaction i proposed to you does not require you pay tax on it and that fund when successfully released to your account is purely for investment after we have shared the fund. So think about it and let me know today. you don't need to involve the church but could be done on your own if you desire.
My Regards,
Joseph Diara.
Then, the next day, he went totally off script.Rev. David Crockett wrote:Dear Mr. Diara,
I am thrilled to learn of your desire to join our flock. You will immediately be entitled to the aforementioned amount after your initiation has been completed. Please, let me know if you have any question regarding the form.
I am afraid that you are wrong about the taxation. According to state as well as federal law, we are not allowed to accept donations. We are a charity organisation, and should we accept money from non-members, we would no longer qualify as a charity, and we would have to pay the same taxes as a commecial company.
As for involving the church, I have given my life to Jesus, our Lord and Savior, and I have taken the wow of poverty, and as such I enjoy no private life, and it would be a sin for me to own money that the church doesn't know about. The little material wealth I enjoy is provided for my by the church.
I look forward to hear back from you, and meanwhile, we will be preparing the 93,500$ for you. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask, and I will do my best to accomodate you, either by mail or phone.
Sincerely, Rev. David Crockett
That was surprising... he resorted to begging surprisingly fast.Joseph Diara wrote:Dear Rev. David Crockett,
Thanks for the mail. I am taking my time in making sure i print out the form and fill it accurately as demanded by you and after that i will return it by email attachment. I am very sorry to ask for this little help from you and i hope you will not say sorry and no to me or my request from the bottom of my heart.
Here in Nigeria, our government has been making things very difficult for we the workers and the entire citizens as a whole.No cash because of their cashless policy and crowd everywhere in banks and no money or cash in the ATM Points.
For now i hope you can help me and my family because we some cash to hold on till it settles down here in Nigeria probably after the General elections coming up.Waiting to hear from you today.Please, no amount is too small
My Regards,
Joseph Diara
But alas...
Rev. David Crockett wrote:Dear Mr. Diara,
I am sure that we can arrange an advance payment for you. This will, however, be deducted from your donation total. I am allowed to make a transfer of up to 5.000 $ (US), but I cannot do it before you have become a member. Such are the rules of the church, and it is above me to give despensation to this. The good news is, that as soon as you complete the initiation, I have the power of attorney to send you an express transfer. We use MoneyGram for practical reason, as there is a MoneyGram kiosk quite close to the church, just 10 minutes walk down the street.
I will prepare this transaction, so as soon as the application reaches me and the initiation rites has been completed, I can go and send you the money.
Meanwhile, I suggest that you work on the application, so we can get you the help you need with Godspeed.
Lord bless you! Amen.
Rev. David Crockett
He wanted to hear from me ASAP, so I went silent.Joseph Diara wrote:Dear Rev. David Crockett,
Thanks for the mail you sent which i do understand the contents. There is no problem as i am already working on it and hopefully i will try to complete and send it to you this week. Looking to hearing from you asap.
regards,
Joseph Diara
Two days went. Then, yesterday...
Attached:Joseph Diara wrote:Hello/Attn: Rev Crockett
Rev,
That is it and it is attached. go through all carefully and fulfill as promised.
Thank you and my Regards to all.
Mr. Joseph Diara
So I kept silent, and went to sleepwith a smile.
This morning:
I responded:Joseph Diara wrote:Hello Rev,
I have sent the filled form by email attachment yesterday evening my time in Nigeria. Did you receive it? I am waiting for your response asap.
Regards,
Joseph Diara
He responded a bit short of words...Rev. David Crockett wrote:Dear Mr. Diara,
I can confirm that I received the form, and I will present it to the board on their next meeting Tuesday. So I should hopefully have som good news for you Tuesday evening.
The Lord has blessed this happy day
Sincerely,
Rev. David Crockett
Yeah, I would like to bring him some good news. Unfortunately, I forgot to give him proper instructions regarding the photo, so it's very likely that his application has to be redone.Joseph Diara wrote:Rev,
Thanks for your mail. I will be waiting to hear the good news from and the HCHS.
Regards,
Joseph Diara.